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I just had one of those in-depth family discussions with my only sibling. Sometimes we explore family relationships and today we are very aware of a legacy of second-guessing that seems to stick to a family member who refuses to enjoy life. This person is dominated by a lack of self-confidence regarding decision making.

We pity his “damned if I do; damned if I don’t” about small to large expenditures and decisions. And the emanating nervous energy seems to be catching for those who love and care about him—that is my brother and myself. How we wish our loved one could accept that he deserves to have some enjoyment in life! The constant self-flagellation doesn’t make him a better person—just more of a pain for himself and those around him.

Yesterday I returned another pair of shoes. I have a miserable history of shoe buying and wearing. I wish I had all the money back that I have wasted on shoes that didn’t fit or hurt, or the multiple trials of the best insoles for my old arches. I keep making mistakes. I have been fortunate to have a spouse and some loving mentors who have helped me with major life decisions. However, even those haven’t always proven profitable results in the way the world deems results—so I’m always using multiple measuring sticks. Did this direction result in a way beneficial to me as: a woman; a wife; a mother; a daughter; a Christian; a counselor; a writer? Mercy! 

Peace Past Understanding

Thankfully, the most important measure of my ways, is not on this earth. And I serve a Master who has promised a peace that passes understanding. “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us,” 2 Corinthians 4:7). “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 8:1). 

I think I am finally allowing myself some joy in this life because I believe that I serve a God who is a Redeemer. My God, the one who loves me, is capable of redeeming any of the mistakes and messes in this life. As I stay connected to Him, He helps me see redemption every day, and for those moments that seem too overwhelming for this life, I have faith that redemption will all come together in the future. 

So I pray for wisdom and guidance, use my mentors when possible, and proceed with life, knowing that God can use my mistakes. That’s not damnation; that is redemption. Whew. 

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By Karen Spruill, M.A. Copyright © 2013 by
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