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Beans and Custard
Photo: Tan Hsin-Ee
For the longest time, I refused to turn my life over to God. Not because I didn’t want to be a Christian or do the right things, but because I was afraid to give Him absolutely everything. Giving God my worries and fears wasn’t a problem. It didn’t bother me to give Him my past or my sins, and I certainly wasn’t about to stop asking for help with my math tests. No, it was the biggest thing I wanted to keep for myself. I was afraid to give Him say over whom I would date and marry.

I was sure God would give me a total nerd. Someone who wore too-short jeans, suspenders, a plastic pocket protector. Someone who snorted in public more often than the average belly-laugher. Someone who was good at math—and did it for fun. On vacation.

What is good for you is bad and what is bad for you is good, or so it seemed to me, the average teenager. And that was why I was afraid.

Take chocolate frozen custard and lima beans, for example. Chocolate frozen custard is fantastic. It melts in your mouth; it tastes wonderful. And it is oh, so bad for you. Lima beans, on the other hand may not be as appealing to your palate, but they are a much wiser choice.

Paired With a Lima Bean

And it seemed to me that dating was much the same—the most desirable and fun possibilities tended to be the notorious bad boys, while those that I believed my mother (or God) would probably choose for me weren’t the boys I would have picked.

I was terrified that, given full control over my life, God would pair me with a lima bean.

Who wants a steady diet of lima beans? For that matter, who wants to be stuck married with one for as long as they both shall live? Not me. So I resisted giving God my all. I was afraid that if I gave God permission to make my life His, I would be stuck with a person I didn’t love. Worse than that—a person I didn’t like or respect.

Years later, I realize that God is not some sadistic being who lives to make me miserable. God is my creator. God loves me and wants me to be happy above all other things. Over time, I learned to give God my all, trusting that He would entrust me with not a lima bean, but chocolate frozen custard. A triple scoop of chocolate frozen custard. And He did.

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By Lauren Schwarz. Copyright © 2014 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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